178 posts Challenge accepted.
  • Sold between 100 000 and 250 000 dollars
  • Austria
  • Elite Author
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
  • Has been a member for 5-6 years
  • Exclusive Author
  • Referred between 100 and 199 users
  • Envato Studio (Microlancer) Beta Tester
bloooming says
  1. Write this into the comments:
    'this doesn't work, I want my money back!'
    

  2. Send an email every ten minutes asking questions which are already answered in the documentation

  3. Don’t read either the item description nor the documentation,
    and then start biching in the comments, because the file doesn’t work like you ASSUMED .

  4. Treat the author like he works for you.
    After he answered every question and helped you with every task you asked,
    force him to do additional customization for you.
    If he says no -> request your money back.

  5. Don’t ever let kindness slip into your demands.

  6. Send an email with this content:
    Login details: admin/admin
    Attachments: pic1.jpg pic2.jpg pic3.jpg website-content.doc
    
    I need the website till friday!!!
    

  7. Write a novel about the things that you don’t like about the item,
    and suggestions what you would have done different,
    and then ask the author how to accomplish them.

  8. Always download the items illegally.
    Purchase them only if the author caches you (and he will) or refuses to give support.

  9. If there is a tiny thing that displeases you – start trolling in the comments immediately.

  10. Write ASAP or URGENT !!! in big letters at the end of every comment.

All characters that appear in this story are fictional, any resemblance with real persons is a coincidence :bigwink::bigwink:

327 posts just a random dude...
  • Author had a Free File of the Month
  • Bought between 100 and 499 items
  • Elite Author
  • Sold between 100 000 and 250 000 dollars
  • Europe
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 4-5 years
  • Envato Studio (Microlancer) Beta Tester
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
+1 more
trendyWebStar says

  1. Write this into the comments:

    ‘this doesn’t work, I want my money back!’

  2. Send an email every ten minutes asking questions, that are already answered in the documentation

  3. Don’t read either the item description nor the documentation,
    and then start biching in the comments, because the file doesn’t work like you ASSUMED .

  4. Treat the author like he works for you.
    After he answered every question and helped you with every task you asked,
    force him to do additional customization for you.
    If he says no -> request your money back.

  5. Don’t ever let kindness slip into your demands.

  6. Send an email with this content:
    Login details: admin/admin
    Attachments: pic1.jpg pic2.jpg pic3.jpg website-content.doc
    
    I need the website till friday!!!
    

  7. Write a novel about the things that you don’t like about the item,
    and suggestions what you would have done different,
    and then ask the author how to accomplish them.

  8. Always download the items illegally.
    Purchase them only if the author caches you (and he will) or refuses to give support.

  9. If there is a tiny thing that displeases you – start trolling in the comments immediately.

  10. Write ASAP or URGENT !!! in big letters at the end of every comment.

All characters that appear in this story are fictional, any resemblance with real persons is a coincidence :bigwink::bigwink:
“I need the website till friday!!!” hahaha true story :D
271 posts The Dominant One
  • Elite Author
  • Won a Competition
  • Exclusive Author
  • Sold between 250 000 and 1 000 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 3-4 years
  • Bought between 100 and 499 items
  • Referred between 50 and 99 users
wptitans says

lol nice one :D ..

1012 posts
  • Author had a Free File of the Month
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
  • Egypt
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 4-5 years
  • Referred between 10 and 49 users
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
+1 more
wizylabs says

I have experienced 7 out of your 10 points :D

1799 posts
  • Has been a member for 5-6 years
  • Germany
  • Exclusive Author
  • Repeatedly Helped protect Envato Marketplaces against copyright violations
  • Sold between 5 000 and 10 000 dollars
  • Envato Studio (Microlancer) Beta Tester
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
BroOf says

Yes, there is a lot of truth in your post :D

1022 posts Best-dressed man at PressNomics 2013
  • Attended a Community Meetup
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Bought between 1 and 9 items
  • Contributed a Tutorial to a Tuts+ Site
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has attended an Envato Live event
  • Has been a member for 5-6 years
+5 more
Parallelus says

Hahaha! I love it.

Some of my personal favorites:

Treat the author like he works for you. After he answered every question and helped you with every task you asked, force him to do additional customization for you.
If he says no -> request your money back.

That’s a winning approach for anything in life :)


Login details: admin/admin
Attachments: pic1.jpg pic2.jpg pic3.jpg website-content.doc

I need the website till friday!!!

If only it didn’t happen almost every day.

Always download the items illegally. Purchase them only if the author caches you (and he will) or refuses to give support.

Already dealt with one of these this morning. A user’s “brother” bought the theme for him. He was pissed when I kindly asked if his brother could contact me to give permission to provide support to his account which had no purchases and was created in the last 2 days :)

Write ASAP or URGENT !!! in big letters at the end of every comment.

If it’s important you want it to make sure it gets NOTICED ! and IMMEDIATELY !!!

Thanks for a good laugh, it’s a nice way to start off the day.

2566 posts Put a Donk On It
  • Elite Author
  • Sold between 250 000 and 1 000 000 dollars
  • United Kingdom
  • Exclusive Author
  • Attended a Community Meetup
  • Repeatedly Helped protect Envato Marketplaces against copyright violations
  • Referred between 200 and 499 users
+5 more
ThemeProvince says

Add: Bombard the author with 40 comments in a three day period. I’ve experienced this :D

303 posts
  • Power Elite Author
  • Power Elite Author: Sold between 2 000 000 - 4 999 999 dollars
  • Has been a member for 4-5 years
  • Exclusive Author
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
  • Referred more than 2000 users
  • Repeatedly Helped protect Envato Marketplaces against copyright violations
+2 more
ThemeGoods says

Write ASAP or URGENT !!! in big letters at the end of every comment.

LOL I thought I am the only one who feel this way when I saw something like this in email message :D

2035 posts
  • Has been a member for 4-5 years
  • Bought between 50 and 99 items
  • Exclusive Author
  • United States
Landonw says


Write ASAP or URGENT !!! in big letters at the end of every comment.
LOL I thought I am the only one who feel this way when I saw something like this in email message :D

You’re not, I see this all too often – I guess they don’t consider you may have a life and reply from bottom up, not from “urgent” down.

2263 posts Bird is the word..
  • Elite Author
  • United States
  • Sold between 250 000 and 1 000 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 6-7 years
  • Referred between 200 and 499 users
  • Bought between 100 and 499 items
  • Envato Studio (Microlancer) Beta Tester
  • Exclusive Author
+3 more
jonathan01 says

Don’t forget the infamous “I’ll rate you 1 star if you don’t help me again the 55th time”... :)

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