409 posts
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 3-4 years
  • India
Dhruv says

Let’s laugh together. Share all the funniest jokes you’ve heard.

1.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

2.

Banta’s wife dies. He is calm, but his wife’s lover is crying furiously…

Finally, Banta consoles him saying “Don’t worry buddy, I will marry again”.

3.

(not offensive) American says: “US mein shaadi e-mail se hoti hai..”

Santa says: “India me to.. shaadi sirf fe-mail (female) se hoti hai….!!!”

4.

Sharon was on her deathbed, with her husband Martin at her side. He held her cold hand as his silent tears streamed down his face.

“Burt,” she said, weakly.

“Hush,” he interrupted. “Don’t talk.”

But she insisted. “Martin,” she continued. “I have something to confess.”

“There is nothing to confess,” said the weeping Martin. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right.”

“No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Martin, that I have been unfaithful to you.”

Martin stroked her hand. “Now, Sharon, don’t be concerned. I know all about it,” he sobbed. “Why else would I have poisoned you?”

5.

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession drives by. Ralph takes off his hat and bows his head until the procession is finished. Once the procession is over, he puts his hat back on his head and starts to line up his shot. John and the other guys are astonished.

John says, “Ralph, we have had a standing tee time together for the past 10 years. We didn’t know that you were such a sentimental guy.”

Ralph says, “Hell, we were married for 25 years, it’s the least I could do.”

P.S : These all are not that funny, but let’s hear what you guys have to share.

3649 posts Community Moderator
  • Has been a member for 5-6 years
  • Contributed a Tutorial to a Tuts+ Site
  • Netherlands
  • Community Moderator
  • Microlancer Beta Tester
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
  • Repeatedly Helped protect Envato Marketplaces against copyright violations
  • Exclusive Author
+4 more
Joost Volunteer moderator says

EDIT : Nevermind, I posted before refreshing again and seeing that you edited those seperation digits in ;)

409 posts
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 3-4 years
  • India
Dhruv says

EDIT : Nevermind, I posted before refreshing again and seeing that you edited those seperation digits in ;)

:D, So… do you have any jokes to share?

2013 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Contributed a Blog Post
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 4-5 years
  • Interviewed on the Envato Notes blog
  • Most Wanted Bounty Winner
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Serbia
+1 more
urbazon says

doublepost… sorry :)

2013 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Contributed a Blog Post
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 4-5 years
  • Interviewed on the Envato Notes blog
  • Most Wanted Bounty Winner
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Serbia
+1 more
urbazon says

Granny: Johnny boy, what was the name of that German fellow that keeps moving our stuff throughout the house?
Johnny: Alcheimer, granny… Alcheimer…

- this was the first that came to mind… I used to know a lots of jokes, but now I can barely remember the last two I heard :)

by
by
by
by
by
by