Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary. ..
8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm – Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing! 6:00 pm – Oooh, Bath . Bummer. 7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…
Haha lol, I can so imagine that cat talkig and wrining in it’s journal,
@Matt: nothing’s too rude pop me an email
i would have to say I would love to see it to lol
I pictured the voice of Stewie from family guy as the cat.
i would have to say I would love to see it to lol I pictured the voice of Stewie from family guy as the cat.
Haha brilliant! I was thinking steven fry but same effect really
@Matt: right back at ya
hey i want the email too!!
That made literally LOL .
Send me the mail