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CurtyCurt says

Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary. ..

8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm – Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing! 3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing! 6:00 pm – Oooh, Bath . Bummer. 7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing! 8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

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MSFX Volunteer moderator says

hahahaha thats ace :D

A mate actually sent me something similar but I can’t post it cause its a bit rude lol :D

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Reaper-Media Volunteer moderator says

Haha lol, I can so imagine that cat talkig and wrining in it’s journal, :D

@Matt: nothing’s too rude :D pop me an email ;) :P

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MSFX Volunteer moderator says

sent

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CurtyCurt says

i would have to say I would love to see it to lol

I pictured the voice of Stewie from family guy as the cat.

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Reaper-Media Volunteer moderator says
i would have to say I would love to see it to lol I pictured the voice of Stewie from family guy as the cat.

Haha brilliant! :D I was thinking steven fry but same effect really :P

@Matt: right back at ya ;)

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CurtyCurt says

hey i want the email too!! :D

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flashjunkie says

That made literally LOL .

Send me the mail :P

haha

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DaniMun says

Simply BRILLIANT ! ROFLMAO

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MSFX Volunteer moderator says

mails sent :D

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