Why do Java Programmers wear glasses?
Because they don’t C#
I had an uncle who lived in India. He used to circumcise elephants for a living. The pay wasn’t too good, but the tips were enormous.
Anyone else got more jokes?
A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, “I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop.” The bartender said, “There is no way you can do that. Sure, I’ll bet you three hundred dollars.”
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup. The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, “That’s it, you owe me three hundred dollars.”
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, “Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet.” The man said, “I’m laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done.”
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob
A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” The bartender, confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?”
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ’’Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes!
If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!’’ The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ’’Got any nails?’’ Confused, the bartenders says no. ’’Good!’’ says the duck. ’’Got any grapes?’
Ok, so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’ and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs,’ what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. “You know what?” says the 6-year-old. “I think it’s about time we start cussing.” The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.
The 6-year-old continues. “When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m going to say hell and you say ass.” “OK!” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. “Aw hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts “You can just stay there till I let you out!”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast young man? “I don’t know,” he blubbers, “But you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”
Enough already ?
I like this one!
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a “Harmony for Couples” weekend, Dave and his Partner, Ann, listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men, “Can you name and describe your wife’s favourite flower?”
Dave leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “It’s Homepride, isn’t it?”
Thus began Dave’s life of celibacy.
A day say to one football player, why you before entry to ground take a shower, footballer say: because get clean goals
what did the hobo get for Christmas?... Frostbite
I read this somewhere quite a while ago. I’m rephrasing.
A new prisoner is intrigued as his fellow inmates utter random numbers and huge roars of laughter follow. He investigates from a fellow prisoner about what was going on. He was told that the prisoners keep telling each other the same jokes over and over again, so to save time, they’ve assigned numbers to jokes. Someone would say, “984”, and the whole place would explode in laughter.
The new prisoner decided to participate. So, he randomly said, “1153”. As everyone started to laugh, his fellow prisoner said, “We haven’t heard that one before.”