535 posts
  • Exclusive Author
  • Netherlands
  • Has been a member for 0-1 years
  • Sold between 100 and 1 000 dollars
  • Bought between 1 and 9 items
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
Coriiander says

Q: “Why didn’t the undead cross the road to save the chicken?”

A: “He didn’t have the guts for it.”

538 posts
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 2-3 years
  • Microlancer Beta Tester
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Sold between 5 000 and 10 000 dollars
Typps says

A man buys a lie-detecting robot that slaps people who fib and tests it out at dinner. He asks his son, “Did you go to school today?”

The son replies, “Yes,” and the robot slaps him. The son says, “All right, I went to the movies.” The father asks, “What did you see” and the son replies, “Toy Story 3”. The robot slaps him again, and the son says, “OK, OK! It was a porn movie.”

His father snorts and says, “When I was your age we didn’t know what porn was.” This time the robot slaps the father.

The mother sputters in her coffee and retorts, “Ha! He’s your son, after all,” and the robot slaps her.

5542 posts
  • Exclusive Author
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Elite Author
  • Has been a member for 5-6 years
  • Sold between 100 000 and 250 000 dollars
  • Repeatedly Helped protect Envato Marketplaces against copyright violations
  • India
+3 more
VF says

^ If the robot have to slap everyone, it could be due to probelm in the algorithm too :P

Question: Are you error free?
Robot: Yes (slaps itself)

3152 posts
  • United Kingdom
  • Exclusive Author
  • Sold between 5 000 and 10 000 dollars
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Author had a Free File of the Month
  • Won a Competition
  • Referred between 100 and 199 users
  • Bought between 50 and 99 items
+2 more
ToivoMedia says

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

1998 posts
  • Exclusive Author
  • Has been a member for 5-6 years
  • Sold between 1 000 and 5 000 dollars
  • Author had a Free File of the Month
  • United States
  • Bought between 100 and 499 items
  • Referred between 10 and 49 users
Graphic-Studio says

^You get a cowboy song, where the truck is fixed, your best friend comes back, you’re wife comes back and your dog comes home too!

1936 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Exclusive Author
  • Switzerland
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 1-2 years
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
matsteiner says

^You get a cowboy song, where the truck is fixed, your best friend comes back, you’re wife comes back and your dog comes home too!
Yeah, this happens when you play a country song backwards :D
1936 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Exclusive Author
  • Switzerland
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 1-2 years
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
matsteiner says

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
A statement of a politican?
1936 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Exclusive Author
  • Switzerland
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 1-2 years
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
matsteiner says

A blond girl starts thinking… (sorry to all blond girls :) )

1936 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Exclusive Author
  • Switzerland
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 1-2 years
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
matsteiner says

A Swiss farmer who stayed miles from anywhere up in the mountains won the first price of a contest: A trip to New York.
As he came back home after one week, his neighbors asked him how he liked the big city.
He answered: “Oh, dunno, fine, but New York is really outback”

(hope it works in English, told with a Swiss German mountain farmer accent it’s pretty funny)

1936 posts
  • Author had a File in an Envato Bundle
  • Referred between 1 and 9 users
  • Exclusive Author
  • Switzerland
  • Sold between 10 000 and 50 000 dollars
  • Has been a member for 1-2 years
  • Bought between 10 and 49 items
matsteiner says

What says a sound engineer WITHOUT a job to a sound engineer WITH a job?

“One Big Mac Menu please”

by
by
by
by
by
by