78 posts
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  • Has collected 10+ items on Envato Market
  • Has been part of the Envato Community for over 2 years
  • Sells items exclusively on Envato Market
+1 more
phileas5928
says

here’s mine : Q : why did the cow jump over the moon ? A : because the farmer’s hands were cold

5492 posts
  • Has been part of the Envato Community for over 4 years
  • Has referred 1+ members
  • Located in Australia
  • Has sold $1,000+ on Envato Market
+5 more
Australia
says

A bloke’s wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast

He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there’s a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, ‘Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately

some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news’.

‘Well,’ says the bloke, ‘I guess I’d better have the bad news first?’

Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.’

The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.

But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.

The Sarge says, ‘Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we’ve brought you your share.’

He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. ‘Geez thanks. They’re bloody beauties. I guess it’s an ill wind and all that…

So what’s the other possible good news?

‘Well’, the Sarge says, ‘if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o’clock and we’re gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!

542 posts
  • Has been part of the Envato Community for over 4 years
  • Sells items exclusively on Envato Market
  • Has sold $5,000+ on Envato Market
  • Has collected 10+ items on Envato Market
+2 more
Farley_Design
says

Q: What does a vampire do with a used tampon?

A: Makes tea.

:D

1912 posts
  • Achieved the monthly Community Superstar Award
  • Helped improve Envato sites by detecting a security issue
  • Participated in a focus group or interview to improve the user experience on Envato Market
  • Contributed a free file of the month
+15 more
SamBerson
says

“Women are like domain names. All the ones I want are already taken.”

385 posts
  • Helped several times protecting Envato Market against copyright violations
  • Sells items exclusively on Envato Market
  • Has sold $100+ on Envato Market
  • Has collected 1+ items on Envato Market
+2 more
tuguirazvan
says

Grandson: Hey Grandma’, can I play with your boobies? Grandmother: Sure, just don’t take ‘em outside!

hahahahahahahahahahaha

4520 posts
  • Located in United Kingdom
  • Has sold $5,000+ on Envato Market
  • Contributed a free file of the month
  • Won a competition
+7 more
ToivoMedia
says

What’s the name of the list where Santa writes the names of all the people who secretly rule the world?

The illuminaughty.

1593 posts
  • Made it to the Authors' Hall of Fame
  • Has sold $5,000+ on Envato Market
  • Had an item featured in an Envato Bundle
  • Has been part of the Envato Community for over 2 years
+4 more
SoundFix
says

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”

2037 posts
  • Has referred 10+ members
  • Has sold $40,000+ on Envato Market
  • Has been a beta tester for an Envato feature
  • Has collected 50+ items on Envato Market
+8 more
matsteiner
Envato team
says

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”

hahahaha, great one! :D

1593 posts
  • Made it to the Authors' Hall of Fame
  • Has sold $5,000+ on Envato Market
  • Had an item featured in an Envato Bundle
  • Has been part of the Envato Community for over 2 years
+4 more
SoundFix
says

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you called a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

1593 posts
  • Made it to the Authors' Hall of Fame
  • Has sold $5,000+ on Envato Market
  • Had an item featured in an Envato Bundle
  • Has been part of the Envato Community for over 2 years
+4 more
SoundFix
says

What did the ghost bee say to the bee?

Boo bee!

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