I know HTML (How To Meet Ladyes).
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone…. “I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
A voice from the front of the audience yells out….”Then fookin stop clapping, ya arsehole!”
After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.
So my friend asked me randomly if I would like to have sex with Tina Turner ...
Me: Dude, she’s like 75 years old or whatever…
Friend: Seriously? You wouldn’t like to be able to say: Fu-k yeah, I slept with the godmother of rock’n’roll?
Me: ... Well, now that you put it that way… Probably, yeah!
Friend: You sick fu-k, you’d like to do old ladies now, huh?
any Dave Chappelle stand-ups