here’s mine : Q : why did the cow jump over the moon ? A : because the farmer’s hands were cold
A bloke’s wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there’s a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, ‘Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately
some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news’.
‘Well,’ says the bloke, ‘I guess I’d better have the bad news first?’
Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.’
The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.
But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, ‘Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we’ve brought you your share.’
He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. ‘Geez thanks. They’re bloody beauties. I guess it’s an ill wind and all that…
So what’s the other possible good news?
‘Well’, the Sarge says, ‘if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o’clock and we’re gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!
Q: What does a vampire do with a used tampon?
A: Makes tea.
“Women are like domain names. All the ones I want are already taken.”
What’s the name of the list where Santa writes the names of all the people who secretly rule the world?
Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you called a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea