Another joke I like:
Q: Why did the calf cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
Two guys were hiking in the desert when suddenly a poisonous snake bites one of the guys on his dick and won’t let go. The guy falls down.
“I better call a doctor,” said his friend.
“Not yet,” said the guy.
Test of a new cat food. Three cats – one of an architect, one of a chemist, and the third one – of a designer.
The cat of the architect took the cookies, arranged them like a house, put a roof and ate them.
The cat of the chemist splintered the cookies, dissolved them in a milk and ate them.
The cat of the designer crushed the cookies into a powder, sniffed them through a straw, fuc*ed other two cats and yelled: “I cannnnnnot work like this!”
Mickey Mouses lawyer phones him up and says ..
Hey Mickey, just going thru your divorce papers and .. well, you cannot divorce Minnie on the grounds that she has Bucked Teeth !
Mickey replies, I didn’t say she had Bucked Teeth, I said she was fu####g Goofy !
Fantastic jokes everyone, well done! Any more from anyone?
I have to apologize in advance, because one of these is sooooo dark.
We have a lot of these Finn, American and Norwegian (or Swede) jokes, which all of which doesn’t translate at all to english, but I’ll try to translate few here. Some of these might be rude, offensive etc. but that’s pretty much the main theme in these jokes.
A Finn, Swede and Norwegian have been captured by a giant. The giant promised that if someone gives him a task he can’t do or solve, the task giver is granted freedom. Norwegian said: “Eat all the forests in the world” And the giant ate them. Swede said: “Drink all the lakes in the world” And the giant drank them. The Finn took a square and drilled it full of holes. He placed the square against his butt and farted. He said to the giant: “Tell me from which hole the fart came out.” Giant pointed one hole and said: “From there” The Finn replied: “Wrong, it came from my asshole.” He was granted freedom.
A Finn, Swede and Norwegian doctor are comparing all the surgeries they’ve made. The Swede brags: “Once I stitched one womans’ leg and it was so well done she became ballerina later on.” Norwegian answers: “Once a man became a violin player after I fixed his hand.” The Finn states: “Sure I’ve had similar cases, but once there was only left glasses and horses’ ass from an accident and I managed to make it to a politician”
A Finn, Swede and Norwegian asked the most beautiful woman in the world to marry them. The woman says to the men: “The one that jumps off from skyscrapers roof and survives, will have my hand.” All of them went to the roof of a skyscraper. Norwegian jumped and died. The swede jumped and died. When it became the Finns’ turn he said: “Ladies first”
And here’s the most dark one:
A Finn, Swede and Norwegian went to an island. The Norwegian shot them all.
I’m really sorry in advance, but I couldn’t resist.